Hands Down
by opal star
Summary: But you stood there, looking at me, grounding me with your eyes and the hands around my waist… And you smiled at me. Then you kissed me...


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. I know. **

**Rating: PG**

**A/N: Well, a total rip off of Hands Down, by Dashboard Confessional - The greatest acousitc band... ever. grin If anyone knows the song they'll see just how much of a copy this is, but I tried to get the feeling of the song, as well as slipping lyrics and situations in. **

**And who's the ship? I'll let you decide**

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I've got my hands down. I'll admit that I'm the happiest I've been in… forever. But I'm not happy in any way I've ever known before, like happy in the way when I won a Quidditch match, or got decent exam results (without too much revision, of course). Just in a way that makes me able to go to sleep at night, and wake up in the morning not feeling cheated. Is that peace of mind? I don't know.

I can't stop thinking about you either – did you know that? Not in a really creepy kind of way… I don't think. What I mean is… I went to buy some new clothes and when I felt the lining on something, the most random feelings flooded my head; the sensations of your legs grazing mine, the softness of your fingers on the back of my hand. And then the whole day was lost to you. I'm smiling even at the thought now.

That's why I'm writing this – I have to get this, you, out of my head and flushed out of my system. But how can I when I always find you at night? How can when I breathe in the air around you just so I can own something that has been so close to you? I hate this sometimes, but only when I'm alone and reunited with my self-control and the dull nights surrounds me. Times like now make me want to trade this loose grasp of restraint I have for the heart racing calm you give me.

The soft lights and the smell of your hair and every other detail just swirls giddily in my head. I don't understand it. Every time I am even near you, even when we are doing nothing, just watching the rain lash at the windows, I feel fine… That word just seems so inadequate, so pathetic. Fine may not seem like much but whenever I'm without you, I'm as far away from good, fine and ok as I can get. I would kill to get back to that simple feeling, and to get back to you.

You have this control over me that I can't work out. It's taken me an age to see and admit that it's no up to you whether I fill or burst or break or fly or breathe. Breathing is such a task now.

I thought I'd die when I first kissed you again. My hopes were so high, looking back. At the time everything else ceased to exist. It should have been awful, standing in your garden in the middle of a thunderstorm. I held onto you like I was drowning. Maybe I am drowning. Maybe I don't care – if this is what death feels like then I will beg for death.

But you stood there, looking at me, grounding me with your eyes and the hands around my waist… And you smiled at me. Then you kissed me.

I'm so lost right now. And I blame you. You just came along and shuffled my life once more. It's like I've been stripped of my wand and I have to stay by your side like a child, not straying too far from your calming touch. But I don't just stay around because of that. I want to be near you. I want to stay in bed with you until the morning, entwined and how we always end up.

I think I kissed you back. I hope I did. Because if I kissed you half as well as I wanted to, I would die happy. You meant it. I could feel that you meant it. It might have lost hours to you in thoughts and actions, but you had my whole body and mind then, standing in the rain on your doorstep.

But I have to get back to the real world and pretend, and answer all their stupid questions… _Did I get some? _They're such idiots, the lot of them. One minutes with them makes me want to run back into your arms, quiet safe and away from all their stupid comments. That place where they can't hear the things I whisper into your skin.

The late walks to your house, the time I had to break in because of a lost key. And like that first kiss of a new life, we stood in a doorway and kissed. You meant it, you did, and I meant what I said, looking into those eyes, drowning all over again.

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**End Note: Told you about the rip off... And yes, things are supposed to be that choppy - it's the impression I got from the song, someone so in love they can't think straight... **

**I won't ruin anyship ideas you have by putting who I imagine it as :P **


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